


En Memorium

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Emotional, M/M, Rain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 05:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2179062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something about the rain had always been soothing to him, the feeling of each drop splashing against his skin, making the wet trek downward in correspondence with gravity, had simply soothed away all of his aches. For some, he knew the rain was nothing but a catalyst. For them, it was pain, heartbreak, remorse, and sometimes anger. But for Kyo, it was a release of sorts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	En Memorium

**Author's Note:**

  * For [assholekyo](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=assholekyo).



> I know you would have wanted this and frankly, writing is how I deal with things. Here's hoping you're watching me somewhere, reading this over my shoulder and being happy I finally gave you everything you asked for in a fic, darling. You'll be in my memory forever and always.  
> Inspiration: [2](http://38.media.tumblr.com/53a56697daa6c398ca4b5692dac8aaac/tumblr_n94r9kz3D31tog1uzo1_500.gif>1</a>%20and%20<a%20href=). I know it seems sort of fragmented for this to turn into hardcore fucking at the end, but I needed the first part for my own emotional release and Alex always told me I never wrote him anal sex when he asked me to write, so it just had to be done.  
> Beta Readers: sakura_ame  
> Song[s]: "Conceived Sorrow" by Dir en grey - I don't know why, but whenever something major happens in my life I associate it with a song, for me your loss has become one with this song, your memory a part of it so deeply I'll never be able to let it free. May you always shine on in each performance of this song.

Something about the rain had always been soothing to him, the feeling of each drop splashing against his skin, making the wet trek downward in correspondence with gravity, had simply soothed away all of his aches. For some, he knew the rain was nothing but a catalyst. For them, it was pain, heartbreak, remorse, and sometimes anger. But for Kyo, it was a release of sorts. At times, when the world was weighing him down, his thoughts stirring in his mind a bit too forcefully to decipher, he'd take a walk to his favorite park and seek out the most secluded of benches to settle upon. He'd remain there, crouched on the bench in the pouring rain until it turned back to a drizzle and then faded into the memory of the puddles on the ground as he sorted through his own mind.

In all honesty, sometimes he wasn't sure what drove him out of the protection of his home and out into the raging storm that was the world around him. Tonight was one of those nights. He'd sat for near an hour, only a single candle burning in the glass orb on the window ledge before him, just watching the rain come down. He'd still clutched the pen in his hand, paper beneath it filled with half-formed thoughts, fragments of lyrics, and snatches of his own emotions scratched out in ill-conceived manners. Sometimes words rolled from his mind and across the pages of his lyric book, and at times they stagnated before ever reaching the surface. He'd been stuck in the latter for nearly a month. Finally, the distant roll of thunder and the flash of one of the greatest powers of nature brought him from his inner workings, forcing him to a realization he was swimming in a sea of his own making and simply needed to go with the flow or find a life raft. And so, he'd picked himself up from the seat before the window, pushed shoes upon his feet, and simply walked away.

By the time he'd found his way through the crowded streets, he was drenched to the bone, the warm sweater he'd worn over his t-shirt holding back nothing of what nature was providing for the evening. He'd turned his collar up against the wind and shoved his hands in his pocket for most of the walk to his bench, knowing far better than to reveal himself any more outright than he already was... not with the upcoming tour and half of the music magazines in the country featuring him in prominence between his solo work and that of Dir en grey.

The instant he'd crouched upon the wooden slats of the park bench, he'd felt as though his soul were settling after a sea of perpetual upheaval. Rolling up his sleeves and clasping his hands, he simply bowed his head and closed his eyes, allowing the peace of such a place to wash over his entire being.

Time slipped by unnoticed, uncaring, and dismissed. There was no need for time in a place like this, his life just making a certain amount of sense as he perched there that it normally couldn't anywhere else. Lyrics came and went, the fragments of the past few hours finding cohesion. He simply stored them away for later, relying on his memory to find the way to them when the time was right again.

It wasn't long before the rest of his life crept in upon him, his thoughts turning to those of a personal nature, the things he'd put on the back burner for far too long pressing themselves forward in a manner that denied him the ability to turn his back on them this time. He opened his eyes then, gazing across the pavement in front of him, finding the edges of the decorative fence that kept this part of Tokyo to itself from the bustle of normal life going on just outside. Perhaps it was the removal of the norm that kept him focused or maybe it was just the safety of a net he had always known was there, he never could tell.

Settling himself back, he wet his lips, tasting the rain upon his tongue with the action. With it came realization, the knowledge of everything he'd been striving to understand for years prior to that moment. Pushing himself upright, he stood for a moment, shaking off the trance-like state that his bench in the park always seemed to induce. When he began to walk, he was a man with a purpose that he wasn't going to back down from no matter the hurdles presented to him.

A half an hour walk and a train ride later, he arrived at his destination, a small condominium on the far side of Tokyo. The doormat welcomed him with a pair of poorly designed footprints reminiscent of a game he'd once played as a child and he couldn't help but shake his head at Toshiya's tastes as he reached to depress the bell. The chimes echoed through the front hall and he waited, now under the shelter of the small overhang on the bassist's porch. He'd have thought there would have been nerves, but there weren't in the least, not even the smallest hint of butterflies in his stomach over this.

When the door opened, he was instantly shooed inside, the bassist giving him a near horrified look at how drenched he was and immediately helping him remove the sweater and his shoes and socks, taking them away to put in the dryer. When he came back, it was with a warm, fluffy towel and he escorted Kyo to his couch, insisting he wasn't going to ruin anything by sitting on it wet, Kyo finally having to concede so the other would stop pestering. Soon after, tea was served, just the temperature Kyo loved after a walk in the rain and his favorite kind of green tea, to boot.

He settled, cross-legged on the couch, the towel beneath his butt as he sipped at his tea, waiting on Toshiya to stop fussing over him. He was a patient man, never in so much of a hurry that he couldn't wait to time things in just the right way. It was simply his way. A few minutes slipped past and finally, Toshiya settled on the couch beside him, looking like he was waiting on Kyo to start whatever conversation was going to happen. Kyo settled his teacup to the side and made a point of meeting Toshiya's eyes. "You know I don't like to put things delicately and I'm not about to do so when it comes to my personal life either." He paused only long enough to make sure the bassist was fully paying attention to him. "We should fuck."

The look on Toshiya's face clearly expressed everything that his mouth failed to in the next few seconds; confusion, hesitation to believe in Kyo's words, and then amusement, and finally the faint glimmer of curiosity and arousal that Kyo had been expecting. This time he let the other find his words.

"Is this a new revelation or have you... been... ah... harboring?" Toshiya's words seemed to almost catch as they came forth, something Kyo hadn't honestly anticipated, though he accounted for it in the spur of the moment quite well.

"Been boiling in the back of my head for a while, but I finally made the leap today."

"You just want to fuck? Nothing more?"

Kyo lifted one shoulder slightly, shifting just enough for his pants to make it known they were still sopping wet by making a slight squelching noise. "I think that's up to how the cards fall. I've never been good at deciding things like that up front, I think it lends to failure from the start. Expect less, accomplish more in that respect."

Toshiya sat there for a few moments, staring at his fingertips. Finally, he stood up and held out his hand, determination written across his features and a tiny smile on his lips. "Alright, let's dance then."

Kyo pushed himself up off the couch and, without an ounce of hesitation, shoved his black pants over his hips, letting them pool in the floor beneath him. His underwear followed relatively quickly, a small smirk sliding over his lips as he reached for Toshiya's hand, letting the bassist guide him down the hall toward the bedroom.

There wasn't a single moment wasted once they were inside the bedroom, Toshiya letting go of Kyo's hand just long enough for the door to be shut and the lights dimmed so they could see, but not enough to be obtrusive. Toshiya was fast to lose his clothing, following Kyo to the bed where the vocalist had collapsed, face-first on the covers. The sounds of him rummaging through the drawers came to Kyo's ears and then his legs were gently spread as Toshiya settled in between them. "You want this fast?"

Kyo rubbed his face against the comforter, a small smile on his lips as he nodded, pushing his ass back toward the other, his cock already starting to harden against the bedspread. "Yes. Make me forget everything else in an instant. I want the world to shrink down to just your our movements, your persistence and my strangled voice."

"Always the lyricist," Toshiya murmured quietly, an amused lilt to his voice as he rolled on the condom he'd retrieved and quickly lubed up his dick. His slicked fingers pressed against Kyo moments later, two digits slipping within him with relative ease, providing the answer to a great many questions that Kyo was sure had been swimming in Toshiya's mind since the moment he'd arrived upon his doorstep tonight. Two graduated to three in quick succession, more lubricant easing the way. And when the time came, the blunt head of the bassist's cock easing within Kyo's body, the vocalist was anything but quiet about it.

Even as their movements steadied into one, Kyo's voice only became more and more prominent, ringing from the walls as he pushed back against each and every thrust. He moaned and he whined, he whimpered and groaned, bliss evident in his voice with every single sound he created. Behind him, Toshiya pounded frantically into him, pleasure and utter desperation tinging his actions. There was nothing to be soft or gentle about any of this, everything set to build and built until the proverbial dam broke.

When Kyo found his end, it was abrupt, unplanned. His cock hadn't been touched even once before he was straining beneath Toshiya, trembling as thick spurts of his release soaked into the sheets. Neither spoke, Toshiya simply continuing to pound into Kyo's asshole, the vocalist trembling from the effort of not screaming at the top of his lungs with the over-abundance of pleasure coursing through his body.

Toshiya's orgasm was nearly as swift as Kyo's had been, but when he came, his arm tightened around the vocalist's waist, hauling him up onto his knees as he roughly shoved up into him the last few times and then began to fill the condom between them. 

Even in the few moments following Toshiya's release, Kyo didn't relent in the least. He guided the bassist's hand down to his cock and wrapped both of their fingers around his aching shaft, working himself only a few dozen times before he lost it for a second time. This time, the screams he'd held back earlier bubbled up and out, a near vomit of sound, the quantity seeming unrealistic outside of porn but still somehow very much earning to who Kyo was and what the moment had earned.

It was only as they were coming down, Kyo sagging Toshiya's arms, that the honest reality of it began to set up residence in Kyo's mind. His bluntness had earned him something he'd never thought possible. Even as the laughter bubbled up from within him, spilling past his lips, he knew Toshiya, of all people, would understand. And that... was why he'd finally given in.

**The End**


End file.
